Our society is stricken with the plague of excess, which leads us into the depravity of our spirit.
I use excess, not only in material terms, such as the vast amount of food that is wasted and thrown in landfills rather than being found in hungry hands. I mean an excess of everything, an excess of sensory input, an excess of socialization, an excess of conscious attention solely dedicated to caring too much, and perhaps most importantly too much chatter in the skull.
We all are simply doing too much
We are stretching ourselves too thin by means of employment, which is multiplied by the fact that our employment often does not even fulfill us, we just mindlessly complete tasks for an extended period of time for a secondary reinforcement, or money.
We never see
that we are slowly killing
ourselves in the process.
We miss out on our families changing, we miss out on our environment evolving around us, and we miss out on our own inner workings…
While the external world is too boisterous,
the internal world will remain dormant.
This is why so many people must have a noise playing at so many times of the day.
They tend to go to sleep with the television on and claim that, “It’s the only way I can sleep,” but in reality, they cannot bear to sit through a night of their own thoughts. Their thoughts being so deprived of nutritional content that hearing anything through their t.v. speakers is always far more pleasing.
This is why so many people cannot sit about their house without any music playing.
I listen to music often, but never to silence my psyche when it is trying to work through something. This is entirely counterproductive, during meditation it would not matter whether it was Cattle Decapitation or Michael Jackson you were listening to, it still defeats the silence that you gain from just sitting quietly for some time.
Why do we do this to ourselves?
We torture ourselves because we do not understand ourselves. We have not yet made any proper attempt at doing so, at least not enough to understand this fundamental truth. We feel emotion, take it, and throw it every which way until it manifests itself into more pain and anxiety for ourselves.
We can see this as morbidly ironic since fundamentally we attempt to find pleasure and avoid pain. The anxiety that we feel in these areas;
are all caused by ourselves actively misinterpreting our emotions which leads us to cause the pain that we seek to avoid, by simply attempting to avoid it.
There are many subtle methods of doing this. If you watch while you are in public, you can observe this easily.
Observable methods of avoiding ourselves
As we find ourselves scrolling through social media rapidly and aimlessly, barely even taking time to notice anything on the screen, let alone anything around you. We feel such anxiety, from origins rooted deep somewhere in our psyche that allows us to feel more comfort quickly flipping through some stupid and senseless pictures and posts rather than absorb nature in person.
I appreciate smartphones, and I advocate to use them, but in excess, we use them to kill ourselves and the nature which we are able to observe in the present moment.
We utilize video games
I want to start by saying I do not believe that even playing video games daily is an addiction. I understand video games are awesome.
But in excess, we use them as a false comfort. Simply a means to comfort ourselves and allow ourselves to at least see some form of accomplishment.
As we fail through school, struggle with our families, barely maintain real social connection, we feel fat, lazy, tired, we wonder why we feel the days and nights pass so quickly
We use food to stuff down ourselves, and we just cannot seem to get these overbearing waves of depression to bypass our constantly tormented and endlessly suffering pitiful humans minds.
We hate ourselves and fail to see our own value to the extent that we allow our online or game successes to substitute our actual goals and aspirations.
At this point, we need to question whether or not we are content or not in our actual lives, and whether or not we are using video games to avoid a deep fundamental pain.
We have those who constantly get sucked into television series.
Again, I am not putting down anyone for liking a good series on t.v.
And I would like to first mention that I am not going to go too far into this because personally, I despise watching movies and most television programs. I have never and will absolutely never pay for cable. I spend most of my watching time on YouTube, which is typical for a millennial I suppose, but I find this as a platform to watch a plethora of videos on any topic I could imagine to research so I consider it an entirely different topic.
Anyway, I feel that getting caught up, at least in excess in show binges, frequently is a sign that you are using the drama of the program to substitute the drama in your life. Shows are fine to watch and use as a disconnect tool, as is needed for every person once in a blue moon, but I am referring to a different type of person.
The type that frequently binge-watch shows, week after week mindlessly watching any series that is added to Netflix or Hulu. Completely indulging themselves on nothing but alternate realities to avoid anxieties and memories that they experience.
Every moment that they watch someone else struggle in a show they are able to follow that train of emotion and it evokes sympathy, which is an innate human virtue, that should at times be used towards ourselves. Though it can be difficult, regardless of the situation we put ourselves in we should always treat ourselves with the same amount of sympathy we would have for a close friend.
Binging on Netflix from time to time is fine, sometimes I don’t want to watch Netflix for 8 hours straight, but a lot of times I do it anyways.
But we should take the time to consider treating ourselves as we treat some of these characters.
The devotion we feel towards one party or character on our show is a similar form of self-love, but less genuine, when compared to the moment when a child feels when he or she first sees themselves in a mirror. It is a look full of genuine surprise, fascination, usually a bit of drool, but more than all of these, genuine love. Because the child is always wiser than us, for they know that regardless of whether what they were seeing was or was not them, they felt nothing but genuine compassion towards the forms that they experience.
Why are we so anxious?
As I said before I went into the tangents on methods of avoiding ourselves, I believe it is because we do not understand what or who we are fundamentally.
Fundamentally meaning who we are, what we think, and how we act with no external conditioning or distortion of our own will.
This is caused by our atrociously backward school systems, our broken family dynamics, and the actual fact that we are raising children without first understanding ourselves, which is exactly what our parents and grandparents did that led us into this in the first place.
There is never a reason to blame anyone,
this is, however, one of the first mistakes you must make.
With this, however, you must also not get lost in the delusion of using efforts to not feel any blame to suppress your emotions.
Feel isolation from the parent that did not provide adequate attention, feel sadness for those who hurt you the worst, but never get lost in these emotions.
Feel them, experience them, but allow yourself the privilege of differentiating when you are allowing yourself to experience normative human emotion, and when you are blaming others for your pain. Those memories do not exist here and now, which is all reality is.
This single moment, unaffected by any outside forces of the universe, and since that specific force and the one which allows us to create thoughts stem from the same seed, we could say that means also unaffected by us and our perceptions of events.
Forgetting your past and painful memories is never easy until you consider the fact that those people know as much, if not less about this than you do. Our parents may have been absolutely disgusting people, but whether they were over-religious and controlling or sadistic molesters and abusers, they too are a product of the environment in which they were raised in, just like you are. Their environment, anxieties, pain, and moreover their reactions to those are precisely why they act the way they do, which is true in us all.
Feel the pain of your childhood, but know that it is gone and there is no need to suppress these memories. We now have the responsibility to use this time to interpret these memories as a means to heal our spirit. Remember, but always stay unattached.
For generations, we have used our lack of self-understanding to allow our ego to not only overrun our own mind but more significantly transform the entire universe by means of our perception.
Sitting silently with nothing but ourselves is important,
and we too often disregard this as a means of healing.
Which is understandable, when we consider the fact that we have a delusion on who we fundamentally are.
We are not some lonely ego floating around alone in this cold and callous universe, subject to pain and displeasure indefinitely by means of some sadistic and looming creator. We are much more liberated than we give ourselves credit for.
We get stuck in these ideas of self which leads us into our pains. I believe no one is above this, as in I feel in my intuition that no human who has ever existed has been completely immune to feeling this profound pain and delusion.
We all have these small creeping fears and discontents when we are alone, those who are unwilling to discuss them in some way are precisely those who are the least able to deal with them effectively.
We feel flawed, like nothing we do is good enough as if there is something fundamentally wrong with us.
We spend every day wondering what the point to this day was, and what the point of tomorrow will be.
I feel depressed, but I cannot explain why. I feel constant anxiety, and am becoming aware of how dangerous it is becoming for my mental health.
I have avoided those close to me, not only in physical proximity but do not share any of my pains with them.
They wouldn’t understand anyway because I’m simply different.
If I shared my experience, they would ridicule me and misunderstand me,
so I might as well figure it out myself.
But figuring our depression out ourselves is dangerous if we do not have the emotional strength to withstand the pain we have experienced directly or indirectly. This process is highly respectable, anyone who does so is strong beyond imagination but most likely will never allow themselves to feel so.
But I am grateful for you
This path is difficult, especially for those with strong tendencies of feeling empathy. This is innate in humans, but those of us who struggle with empathizing or sympathizing too damn much may find it difficult to move past this point. The pain they allow themselves to experience quite possible for the first time is something that until this point was nearly incomprehensible. It simply would have been to painful to experience. It is one of those psychical happenings that we allow to cause us endless anxiety and depressive feelings.
Allowing ourselves to absorb our pain, just as a vacuum, can unintentionally absorb other’s pain as well. Not only as far as hearing their complaints about a scenario, but feeling their reaction and feelings towards said scenario. Even for the most enduring souls, this is a great and daunting task. This is the primary reason that I respect psychoanalysts, but I simply do not believe I could do it for a career.
Our empathetic and sympathetic tendencies are our most beautiful virtues, but used incorrectly are the heaviest weights endlessly shackled to our feet in an unfair universal torment. We allow ourselves to believe that we feel too much, we care too much when in reality we think too damn much.
We need to take the aforementioned lesson from the child. If we could learn to act with genuine compassion and endlessly strive for understanding each other, we would no longer be able to experience these fundamental human virtues, empathy and sympathy, as burdens on our soul. We would no longer be able to convince them in this way, because we would be performing acts of kindness because it is our moral code, not of expecting anything in return.
I absolutely would like to address this topic and closely related ones because they are personally important to me and because I would love to help anyone that struggles in these areas because it is literally creating our own health.
I want to help you because it is my moral code, I expect absolutely nothing in return.